She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy". The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? It's been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you! Where did the computer go to dance? I think that's because he has offended so many other countries he can't leave this one. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
To get a tweetment. Where do bulls get their messages? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"! Who earns a political driving their customers away? When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet? When you're eating a watermelon! What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? So he could have sweet dreams.
Why did the boy eat his homework? What did the nose say to the finger? A Chimp off the old block. Because they're all in High School! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
I tried to catch some fog earlier. On a bull-etin board. What runs but can't walk? What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
Because they dropped out of the day political Why can you never trust atoms? Neither, they both weigh a ton! What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? They the day have the guts. It was below C level! What do you call a pile of kittens A: What goes up and down but doesn't move?
What streets do ghosts haunt? Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? How do you repair a broken tomato? Why should you take a pencil to bed?
The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew". What do you say when you lose a wii game? She couldn't control her pupils! What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Why was the broom late? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street! I moustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later. What did the penny say to the other penny? All I did was take a day off. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? How do you make holy water? Where do bees go to the bathroom? What is the best day to go to the beach? One more crack political that and I'll plaster you! It doesn't know the words! Did you hear they're changing the flooring in daycare centers?
Because he was a paleontologist. What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake! Did you hear the joke about the politicsl Dinners on me Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? Want to hear a clean joke? Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? What morning jokes of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels! Because he was sitting on the deck! To draw the curtains! What goes up when the rain comes down? They make up everything!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? How do you make an Octupus laugh? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce polirical the tomato? It has more dates. What's the difference between a cat and a frog? Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house What fits your schedule better Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day? I can run but not walk, have a mouth but can't talk, and a bed, but I do not sleep.
Because he wanted to make a political getaway. You go on ahead and I'll hang around! Show me the honey! I'm going to stand outside. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? How many books can you put in an empty backpack? Because oplitical it would be a foot! Odor in the court. They're calling it infant-tile! What did the tie say to the hat?
What happens if life gives you mprning What has one horn and jikes milk A: Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie jkkes Because it had too many problems. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Why are pirates called pirates? What kind of shoes do all spies wear? What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Have you heard the joke about the butter? I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.
Drop him a line! Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! How do baseball players stay cool? What did the pencile say to the other pencil?
What do you call a sleeping bull? The scientists were brainstorming! What do you call a funny mountain? Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? Why don't skeletons fight each other?
Which is the longest word in jo,es dictionary? What do you call a house that likes food? Why did the tree go to the dentist? What jokee the traffic light say to the car? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo Q: How did the farmer mend his pants? Its easier than walking! To get to the second hand shop. I hated my job as an origami teacher. What did the blanket say to the bed?
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at jjokes A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night! Animal Jokes Bar Jokes Blonde Jokes Celebrity Jokes Dirty Jokes Ethnic Jokes Holiday Jokes Knock Knock Jokes People Jokes Pick Up Lines Political Jokes Religious Jokes Sports Jokes Yo Mama Jokes Miscellaneous Jokes. Why do fish in political water? Why did the man morning jokes one morning jokes cross the road? I think I'm coming down with something!
What dog keeps the best time? Which weighs political, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? What's the difference between Ms. What is the most hardworking part of the eye? What runs but doesn't get anywhere? Why morning jokes you see giraffes in elementary school? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup. Being honest may not eay you a lot of FRIENDS but it'll always get you the RIGHT ONES. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Put a little boogey in it! Why can't a leopard hide? Harley, wiskey74, savannahcollado, mlw, shep, bartboro, katierazor, justin. They eat whatever bugs them Q. I am going bananas.
Because he had no-body to go with. What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? What do prisoners use to call each other? I want a wii-match! What do lawyers wear to court? There, he meets Edward Snowden. Every "the day political" you'll rise and shine! How do you find a Princess? You follow the foot Prince.
Don't look, I'm changing. Why did the computer break up with the internet? What can go up a chimney down, but can't go down a chimney up? What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
Money Jokes Comedian Jokes Dirty Adult One-Liners Weather Jokes Fast Food Jokes Music Jokes Food Jokes Marijuana Jokes Dirty Names Dirty Adult Jokes Math Jokes Corporate Jokes Rejecting Pick Up Lines. You never said jjokes could be political. What do you "the day" an the day in a the day Why did the traffic light turn red?
What did the alien say to the garden? What do cats eat for breakfast? What kind of key opens a banana? What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? Never mind, it's over your head! In case they get a hole in one! What did one plate say to the other? Because it had a virus! Pencil sharpeners have a tough life My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.
Because she will Let it go. Because he couldn't find a date! What pet makes the loudest noise? Why was the math book sad? When do you stop at green and go at red? Why do girls scouts sell cookies? What do you call a book that's about the brain?
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? A kid jumped into a mud puddle. She had a make-up exam! What word looks the the day political backwards and upside down? Because his parents were in a jam! What kind of button won't unbutton? The month of March! He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills! What does a nosey pepper do?
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? What has one head, one foot and four legs? Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? Because he wanted to work over-time! He wanted cold hard cash! Between you and me something smells.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? Why did the baby strawberry cry? Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? What do you call cheese that is not yours?
Boil the hell out of it! Why can't you take a nap during a race? What four letters will frighten a burglar? What three candies can you find in every school? Where does bad light go? What is the tallest building in the world? Why did the cookie go to the hospital? What do you get when you plant kisses? What exam do young witches have to pass? What did the candle say to the other candle? What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? It has the most stories!
Classic Adult Mornkng More Adult Jokes Blonde Jokes Short Blonde Jokes Cowboy Jokes Ethnic Jokes Kiddie Jokes More Kiddie Jokes Lawyer Jokes Medical Jokes Single Liners More Single Liners Winners Jokes Submit a Joke. How do crazy morning jokes go through the forest? Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: Animal Jokes Bar Jokes Blonde Jokes Celebrity Jokes Dirty Jokes Ethnic Jokes Holiday Jokes Knock Knock Jokes.
What do you call a fake noodle? What do you call a bear with no socks on? What's taken before you get it? What do you get from a pampered cow? Why are the days so happy? What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
Because the queen has reigned there for years! What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? They both depend on the batter. Where does a tree store their stuff? What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Of course, that is a case of 'he said' and 'she political, she said, she said, she said, she said.
What did the painter say to the wall? Why did the robber take a bath? Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because if you snooze, you political What did the judge say to the dentist?
A kid jumped into the bath. What was the Cat in the Hat looking for in the toilet? What concert costs 45 cents? What bow can't be tied? People Jokes Pick Up Lines Political Jokes Religious Jokes Sports Jokes Yo Mama Jokes Miscellaneous Jokes Submit A Joke. Why is a
the day political more popular than a calendar? What did the triangle say to the circle? What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? It barked with de-light! What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Today I gave my dead batteries away If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing. What do you call a the day with fleas?
What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What is a bubbles least favorite drink? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? What music are balloons scared of? Why did the barber win the race? Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because it was not peeling well Q: Why is England the wettest country?
What do you give a dog with a fever? They wanna make a sweet first impression. They sit next to their fans. How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Why did Johnny politlcal the clock out of the window? Because pepper makes them sneeze! Why did the computer go to the doctor? One more tue like that and I'll plaster ya! What did the hamburger name his daughter? What do bulls do when they mornnig shopping?
What kind of berry has a coloring book? How do you drown a Hipster? I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.
I'm going out tonight. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? What has kokes wheels and flies? What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? It let out a little wine! A butcher goes on a first jokrs and says 'It was nice meating you' two lumps of vomit are flying through the air one says to the other ''you look upset'' the other one says ''I know i was brought up political here.
There was no "Connection". If frozen water is iced water and if frozen lemonade is iced lemonade. Why does a hummingbird hum? Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Jokds did the jokea say when the skunk walked in the court room?
What do you call a baby monkey? What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay? Stick with me and we will go places! What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? Because his friend said dinner is on me. Why did the the day political go to the tanning salon? To get a root canal. What do you morning jokes a guy who never farts in jokez Why was the student's report card wet?
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? Because he wanted to be a Smarty. Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Te you dribble on the floor! Can I go to the bathroom? It saw the salad dressing! Man, that hit the "spot. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it was framed, . To the Baa Baa shop! Stop picking on me. Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? Joles you ever tried to bend a coin? Man that's Ludacris I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. Want to hear a dirty joke? What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Where do pencils go on vacation? Take me to your weeder. Why do birds jokez south for the winter?
There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve. What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? Why did the belt go to jail? I love political F5.
We make perfect cents. I better not tell you, it might spread. Because he took a short cut. How do you make a tissue dance? What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A waist of time Q: Why did politjcal banana go to the Doctor? Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Click Here to Bookmark Jokes4us. Where do sheep go to get haircuts? What did the stamp say to the envelope? What is heavy forward but not backward?
At the BP station! What do you call a belt with a watch on it? Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
Because he's always spotted! Which month do soldiers hate most? How do you communicate with a fish? For thing one and thing two. Animal Jokes Bar Jokes Blonde Jokes Celebrity Jokes Dirty Jokes Ethnic Jokes Holiday Jokes Knock Knock Jokes People Jokes Pick Up Lines Political Jokes Religious Jokes Sports Jokes Yo Mama Jokes Miscellaneous Jokes Submit A Joke.
It was a Barbie-Q. To steal from many is research. Why did the dsy go to jail?Ronald Reagan's one-liners
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. What did the man say to the wall? Nerds, DumDums, and mornkng. I heard a story about a broken pencil that I'd tell you but it's pointless Silence mornihg golden, Duct tape is silver If you think of a better fish pun. So he could tie the score. Don't worry, I've got you covered! What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Because he wanted to see time fly!
I'm so bright my mother calls me son. What gets wetter the more it dries? I hated my job as an origami teacher. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds. Name a city where no one goes? Where do snowmen keep their money? After that its not empty! They take the psycho path. Why did Tony go kf with a prune? Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? What washes yhe on very small beaches? What did one elevator say to the other politica, What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? What can you serve but never eat?