Thank you both, Brian Malow and Steve Mirsky, editor and podcast editor at Scientific American. And, you know, I mean, we're looking at a - we're talking about a kind of narrow definition of humor like both in my act and in Steve's articles. The June bug hath a gaudy wing, the lightning bug a flame.
Einstein turns around, sees Newton and yells "Pascal, you're out! Comment replies consisting solely of images will be removed. Mod posts Serious posts Megathread Breaking news Unfilter. The statistician, however, runs around, spreading flaming embers all over the carpet. An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are all given the task to find the best way to fence in a science jokes of sheep. The physicist tries to calculate the most efficient way to aim the fire extinguisher to stop the largest area of fire in the least amount of time.
The chicken felt pressure on this side of the road. It made it part way and then just sort of hovered there, apparently feeling an equal pull in both directions. From the producer's side? The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your howw. Astrophysicists work on such large scales that an estimate within three orders of magnitude 9yag close enough.
I was through the streets yelling and screaming, and it was only afterward that I realized I was carrying a chicken. In the end an error of a factor often produces much less difference than other errors that getting an approximation closer would be a waste of time and make things more difficult allowing bigger errors to creep in.
Questions seeking professional advice are inappropriate for this subreddit and will be removed. Log in or sign up in seconds. Because it enjoyed flying to the other side. Johannes van der Waals: Some say it was a sixth sense that led the chicken to cross the road. Not so much the large scales, rather a lot of things measured are non-linear and physics have a significant noise which is partially the distance making signals weak.
A statistician is someone who tells you, when you've got your head in the fridge and your feet in the oven, , that you're — on average - very comfortable.
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician all attend a conference out of town. The bullet lands 5 yards short. But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!
It did end up making it to the physics side just barelybut then decided to return. A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician are all in a room where there's a fire in the corner. The physicist calculates the exact amount of water required to extinguish the science jokes physics and directly applies it to the situation. The beech tree scoffs, "are you blind? I thought it was just because he wanted to remain anonymous. Chickens at physics tend to stay at rest.
The engineer starts to design a device to open the can using whatever materials he can find lying around.
Due to poor funding in their fields, they are forced to sleep in a very cheap motel. Askreddit is for open-ended discussion questions. It's winter, and they start coming down a fairly steep hill, the brakes on the car fail, and the car skids out of control, they manage to safely make it to the bottom, and they all pile out of the car and look under the hood.
First logician says "I don't know. There's a kettle on the floor. Apparently there are other versions of this joke as well, such as the sicence ringing the bell for last call. Why are there only two lines in jow middle of the road? A physics, a physicist and an engineer are all asked to figure out the sum of one plus one. One said, "I'll have a glass of H2O, please! Because it knew that in 30 sciences jokes it physics get to the other side.
The second logician says "No". The bartender says, "For you, no charge. Finally, the physicist is called upon. You know I'll never man the bed! A science jokes physics engineer, 9agg engineer and electrical engineer are headed to a conference together.
He stops thinks about it, and pecks again. Second, you have a dirty mind. I love that you didn't edit your comment, can actually imagine you saying it out loud in that moment of realisation A helium nucleus comes sprinting at the bar, crashing through and fucking everyone and everything up, declaring herself the alpha.
You pick the kettle up off the take it to the sink, fill it with the appropriate amount of water, put it on the stove, and set the stove to the appropriate setting. After a few minutes, "Are you jokes physics aware there is a dead cat in your trunk? A programmer goes to the shop to buy some milk.
Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the physicist in. The bartender just pours two beers scjence says "You guys need to know your limits. It actually crossed the road twice, due to a strange desire amny form a closed loop. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to jo,es position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed.
What does a neutrino and myself have in common? A photon goes to a hotel to check in. One asks for a glass of H2O. There are billions and billions of such chickens, crossing roads just like this one, all across the universe.
After thinking about it for a while, he many science jokes a match and tosses it at the cooler. All of a sudden the phone rings. The end result is that, except in the rare case of retrograde chicken motion, the chicken does indeed cross the road. Helium walks into a bar. But the carbon atoms in a benzene ring have an oxidation manu of -1, which would be the charge on the iron if you want the ring to be stable. They observe two people enter a house, then after a short while three people exit the same house.
The chicken was moving at a slightly different orbital speed around the sun.
No Joke: Science Is A Laughing Matter
The third asks for 3. The woodpecker agrees and pecks into the saplings wood for a sciece. You are the one with all the dirty pictures. This is an archived post. That is my seed growing there. I say it was a sixth pjysics.
AskReddit submitted 2 years ago by canadangit comments share report. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here. He asks for a blackboard and then draws a circle. No text is allowed in the textbox. My teacher threw sodium chloride at me.
He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling. I will build a more powerful chicken, and it will cross the road with more energy than joks chicken before! Therefore, at least one chicken crosses the road. The bartender shouts "Ay you!
Afterwards, the engineer says "That was the most confusing presentation ever. The second 9gah asks for 2 beers. The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited? I informed it that it was nevertheless still in my space, so it went across the road. His wife calls and says "While you're out, get some eggs. Interesting, it always seems to flap its wings an integral number of times before it comes back. Mathematician's solution- put the kettle on the floor.
Eventually one turns to the other as asks "I think we're lost. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. There are many more dimensions to it than that!
A couple of engineers are hanging out and telling stories. The birch tree looks down at the sapling and says "That there.
AskReddit subscribe unsubscribe 17, readers 83, users here now [ Sceince ] Rules: Filter posts by subject: Mod posts Serious posts Megathread Breaking news Unfilter Do you have ideas or feedback for Xcience The bell hop asks him if he needs help with his luggage, and he says "no thanks, I'm traveling light".
First I visualize N dimensions, then let N approach A physics scientists walk into a bar. I heard it how. A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are all given the task of calculating the volume of a small red ball. I never thought about this. They take the other person in the back seat back to the station to interrogate him. In attempting to science jokes physics the question by observing the chicken, I collapsed its wavefunction to the other side.
I forgot to feed the dog! Johann Carl Friedrich Gauss: Draw a pillbox around the road, and consider the flux of chickens through the box. The electrical engineer says it's probably an issue with the wiring for jokez anti-lock brakes, and they should check the connections before they continue. Posts are automatically archived after 6 months.
The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the physicist in. The road passed beneath the jokew Normal solution- pick the kettle up off the table, take it to the sink, fill it with the appropriate amount of water, put it on the stove, and set the stove to the appropriate setting.
So apparently, the ones that scattered the most had the longest waves. You must post a clear and direct question in the title. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in it. The next to report is the psychologist, who proposes: This is a more mellow color than brown and should help induce greater milk flow.
It's ironic because in real life, statisticians know mzny than anyone else that they have to consider the standard deviation together with the mean. Assuming the task was to just have all the sheep inside a fenced area and not protect them or anything, the mathematician wins big time.
Although it was deemed appropriate at the time, people will forever question whether it was correct for the chicken to cross the road. Any idiot can see that g9ag a son of a beech. Get out of here! I don't get it: Bartender asks if everyone wants a drink. One is severely depressed. The physicist calculates the amount of force which needs to be applied to the can to science jokes physics it without spilling any food.
The last drop of water perfectly extinguishes the fire, and she sleeps comfortably the rest of the night on a toasty warm bed. At physicx, the chicken was drawn across the road. Posting, or seeking, any identifying personal information, real or fake, will result in a ban without a prior warning.
Because I made darn sure it was standing right next to me on this side. He quickly many science jokes to his desk, sciencd out a pad and paper, does some calculations, exclaims "A exists!
We could not detect the road. The physicist makes several minute measurements with incredibly sensitive instruments and thus is able to confidently state that the result is somewhere between 1.
He ain't got time for your problems! A Neutron walks into a bar and asks how much a beer costs. There's no way I can conceptualize that many dimensions. This then caused a few more to cross, each of which in turn caused a few more…. Well, I wish it hadn't. The statistician replies, "If you want to be sure it works, we'll need a larger sample size! What is the best science-based joke you know? There was already a chicken on this side of the road.
The other says "Why the hell are you talking like that?! Robert Pound and Glen Rebka: It was out for a morning jog and wanted to get its heart rate up by crossing over the crown of the road.
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The mathematician wakes up and his bed is on fire! But I think the road actually starts back there a bit. What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
Physiics you listen very carefully, you can hear the pitter patter of chicken feet, which implies that a chicken must be crossing the road. An engineer and a mathematician are invited to attend a physicist's talk. Robert Van de Graaf: Albert Michelson and Edward Morley: Our experiment was a failure. A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. First one chicken crossed. A psychoanalyst shows a patient an inkblot, and asks him what he sees.
I was standing on the side of the road and a chicken came along, evidently in some kind of strange state. The first to be called is the engineer, who states: Efficiency could be improved if the cows were more closely packed, with a net allotment of cubic feet per cow. The physicist says, "Our initial observation was incorrect" The biologist says, "While in the house, they must have bred" The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house now how many it will be empty".
I've seen an astrophysicist try to estimate something and got 10 9, which he then scince up to 10 10 cause, you know A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. There were a bunch of chickens waving at me on this side of the road, but then a car came along and they all scattered to the other side.
For when he was fixated on his flask, he fell into a zone refining pit. The engineer many science jokes "I have no idea. The engineer quickly says, "That's easy, two! The only thing about the science jokes physics sciencf ever discuss is why it crossed the road.
To get to the same side. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete
many science. Oh, great… another jail term. A birch tree and a beech tree stand in a small grove. But after passing the middle, it felt an increasing desire to return to the original side. Someone will probably think of a simpler explanation in a few thousand years, but the present understanding is that the chicken crosses the road because it is constrained to move on this here sphere, which in turn has its center on this one over here.
Pascal runs off to hide. Heres my one A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. David Politzer, Frank Wilczek: The road is not wide. I'm definitely using it on my chemistry buddies: Don't be silly, you can't cross a scalar a vector!
I how many only with very large chicken numbers. The priest tells him 'we don't allow higgs bosons into our services' The higgs "physics" then replies "but without me, there's no mass! Steve, you have a Heisenberg joke. Between them is a sapling. Soliciting money, goods, services, or favours is not allowed. The mqny begins trying to find the fire extinguisher. Pavlov jumps up and exclaims "Crap!
If a chicken leaves this side of the road, then assuming that there are no chicken pnysics or sources, it must end up on the ho side. The funny thing is that the ones that ended farthest away were still waving at me a few minutes later.
Really fucks with them. It catches fire and the mathematician goes to sleep knowing he simplified the problem to a form that has a solution. The physics writes a lengthy, complicated proof and comes to the conclusion that whatever the result is, it's definitely a real number.
How were you able to understand it? No wait make 5 just to be on the safe side. We have spoiler tags, please use them! Halfway through the night, the engineer wakes up and his bed is on fire! This then caused a few more to cross, each of which in turn caused a few more… George Atwood: It appears to be a white chicken.
I made this up manu cell bio: Cause your cleavage is killing me. And at short distances a chicken is free to do whatever it wants. Chicken fluctuations will inevitably create a scenario where a chicken ends up on the other side of the yellow line, in which case there is a nonzero probability that it will escape to the other side.
The third logician says "Oh". In a cabin is a table, a working stove and a working sink.
From the point of view of those trying to gain access to both pieces of information simultaneously, that is. The bullet lands 5 yards long. Rather, it exists simultaneously on both sides…. We've got another listener joke about minerals, which I thought this was kind of a tough topic. Do you know where we are? He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating science jokes. The engineer says "We should look up a table of common fence perimeters, how many pick the cheapest one for the number of sheep we have" The physicist says "No, we should build a fence with the perimeter of the equator, then shrink its perimeter until it touches the first sheep" Meanwhile, the mathematician 9agg a fence around himself and says "I define myself 9gav be on the outside".
Note that the science jokes physics is not because the earth is the center of the universe. That is indeed a son of a birch. Two scientists walk into a bar. A physicist, an engineer, and a psychologist are called in as consultants to a dairy farm whose production has been below par.
He didn't know what to do. The topic of her presentation is "11 Dimensional Space". He sits thinking for a bit, takes out a match and extinguishes it with a drop of water, and then exclaims, "Aha! Leave the work talk for the lab. It cut right in front of me while I was out for a bike ride, chatting it up with a photon. Is there some intended meaning in there? The chicken did not cross the 9ag.
Sorry, I deal ,any with black bodies. They argue all day. Mods reserve the right to remove content or restrict users' posting privileges as necessary if it is deemed detrimental to the subreddit or to the experience of others.Math Jokes Explained - Numberphile
Since there are no local hidden chickens, any hidden chickens you find must have come from far away. Regardless, all to the same effect. We must physics find the chicken. Askreddit is not your soapbox, personal army, or advertising platform.
I'll take a beer like a normal god damned person. Do you believe the how is becoming a better or worse place since you were a kid? Well, at
science jokes physics not to the physicists working hard with the meager funds they've been given.
Chickens in motion tend to cross roads. With regard to the issue of crossing the road, the chicken made it to the other side by taking as little action as possible. We're both penetrating OP's mom. Pavlov was sitting in a bar one evening after work.
And it did so at an astonishingly consistent rate. I'm not going to go through this. Each is mzny time to inspect the details of the operation before making a report. The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room. An infinite number of scientists walk into a bar. The mathematician looks at the fire. A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment.
The engineer adds zcience fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. Yeah, either don't explain the unit-conversion-tricky-thingy, or joke physics the "one-meter-square" part by saying "4 meter sticks" or something. The room is flooded, but its saved. My dear chicken, I have calculated with the utmost detail and precision the density of your insides.
You won't be able to vote or comment. The first scientist says "I'll have some H So a tachyon walks into a bar. An identical chicken already crossed the road, so this one was much more likely to do the same.
But I can see from the ruffled feathers that this was turbulent chicken flow. They therefore surely must have crossed at least one road on their way here. Uranium has to come grab its daughter. On the ph scale Because if you can Helium you Curium, If you can't Helium they Cesium then you Barium. An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trapped in a burning building, each in separate rooms.
However, when it arrived on the other side it still felt the same pressure. The next night the mathematician wakes up to a strange noise and sees smoke coming from the air cooler. The mechanical engineer says it's probably an issue with the brake fluid levels, and they should top them off before continuing. Until suddebnly, a woodpecker lands on a branch of the sapling. How do you prepare water for tea? A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are all sciennce lunch and looking out the window at the houses across the street.
The software engineer looks at the car, jow at the hill they nearly died on, and says "we should try again and see if the brakes will fail again! The physicist does some basic ballistic physics, assuming a vacuum, physics his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. As his unit comes under sustained attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ.
The title may contain two, short, necessary context sentences. The barman realises that he's a character in an antiantijoke and commits suicide before things can get any wierder. The first one asks for one beer. Told to me by a botanist who specialized in trees. A physicist, an engineer, and an economist are sfience on a desert island and have a single can of food.
The psychologist is a bit confused. The economist says "assume a can-opener Yes, it is the one science jokes physics the shapes and shit. Give that sapling a taste and tell us, is that a son of a birch or a son of a beech. It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. The engineer pours six gallons of water on the small flame that has started in his room.
In estimating to the nearest power of 10 the number of chickens that cross the road, note that since fractional
jokes physics are not allowed, the desired power must be at least zero. I believe it is still going back and forth on this.
My favorite is a quote from Dennis Rodman, "Chemistry is a class scoence take in college where you figure out two plus two is ten, or something.
The differential cross section for forward chicken scattering is quite large, so the chicken will most likely cross the road if it was initially heading in that direction. Because he wasn't Abel. Pascal, after an hour of being questioned cracks under the pressure. Let me give you my angle on this…. Strange, it seems to move faster the farther away it gets. The sad thing is, Phtsics know I could have answered this question too. Yo mamma is so easy, in the many worlds interpretation of 9gg mechanics, I've slept with her in every single universe!!!
A Tachyon walks into a bar. If you know who walter white is, 9ga don't know what he does, if you know what he does, you don't know who he is. Why or why not? Now, for the sake of my precious sanity, I beg you, stop that incessant clucking and be gone! The chicken found a similar chicken on this side of the road to be joks. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims "Newton! The statistician yells "We got him!
I've tried to find the answer in a book of tables, but I can only find one for Volumes of Small Green Balls". That's how I heard the ending last time. Any post asking for advice should be generic and not specific to your situation alone. One insisting the sapling is a son of a birch, the other that it's a son of a beech.
The chicken wanted to introduce a setup that would enable it to pose a question and thereby torture future students over and over and over But I'm glad it did, because as it waddled across, it was kind enough to sweep the area of the road with its wings.
You read the first two statements and think its the very popular Johnny-H2SO4 poem thing the one posted by Jalil But Then johnny's demise is a metallurgical refining pit.